schoolyard subversion

2001-07-01 [< * >]

That Crazy Feeling

Two years ago, after leaving the hospital a great change came over me. At school, I would always go outside for lunch, eating and chatting with my friends. But now, everything seemed different. The sun shone brighter, the world looked happier, and every moment of life I loved living. Perhaps it was just the change of being outside the hospital after a few days, but I really felt as if the world looked different to me. But soon enough, school took its toll and I was pulled back into its busy rush.

That summer, as I went for walks with my mother against the dazzling sunset, I felt the same feeling return. The world grew brighter, I grew happier and everything seemed so lovely. I never wanted it to end. But, of course it did. That spring I went back to school, the work growing even harder and more engrossing.

But last year, something different happened. I found people on the Internet who were willing to listen to what I say. A little over a year ago (it seems so much longer, now!), I took a tentative step into a discussion group. They treated me as equals and we did work together. It was exciting, challenging and a lot of fun. I was drawn closer and closer into it, sometimes spending hours sending emails back and forth. Life was so interesting that I felt I didn't need school anymore. I had so much fun that I never wanted school to start again.

But it did. I promised myself that I would see school as a necessary evil that only took up part of my life -- I assured myself that my real life was doing other things. It worked for a few weeks, but quickly failed. School gave me too little time to think of other things. It just grew larger and larger until it became my life, relinquishing small bits of time to other projects. Try as I might, I couldn't stop it.

Today, after school has ended, things are different. As I went for a walk today with my brothers, I began to feel that feeling return. As I walked home it overpowered me. Life was so beautiful, I wanted to take a movie of it and lock it up, even though I knew that no movie could do it justice. Now that school is over, I never want to have to feel any differently again. I love life and I love this feeling. In fact, I love it so much that I just had to write it down and share it with you.

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