A young BEN BEZARK is bouncing a ball in front of our elementary school. While he plays, a young AARON SWARTZ provides advice for his new band. They are both in third grade. The hit song “Lump” By The Presidents of the United States is topping the charts.

AARON: You’ve got to have that special something in your songs, that little oomph, that “Lump” factor.
BEN: (disinterested) OK.
AARON: The Lump Factor is key. Your songs need to be more Lump.
BEN: Right.

It continues like this, Ben bouncing his ball, me extolling the Lump factor, Ben nodding quietly. Finally, it builds to a point that’s just completely absurd.

AARON: You have to feel the Lump, fill your songs with a Lump, you have to be Lump.
BEN: Well, we don’t want to be too much like Lump.
AARON: (backpedalling) Oh, no, no, you just want to the Lump quality, you want quality really…

posted March 26, 2005 07:42 PM (Education) (2 comments) #


Stanford: Schoolwork
Stanford: To the Hypnotist
Stanford: Stop Hiring Me
Stanford: Textbooks for Idiots
Stanford: Feats of Memory
Lessons in Capitalism #3: Sycophancy
Stanford: Spring Break
Home: Spring Break
Stanford Interactive: What classes should I take?


A young LINUS is hacking on the next version of his operating system. While he hacks, a young PUNDIT provides advice for his OS.

PUNDIT: You’ve got to have that special something in your OS, that little oomph, that “Windows” factor.

LINUS: (disinterested) OK.


PUNDIT: You have to feel the Windows, fill your songs with a Windows, you have to be Windows.

LINUS: Well, we never wanted to be Windows.

PUNDIT: You wankers.


(other people start making Linux look like Windows)

PUNDIT: Damn, Linux looks too much like Windows. If there’s no difference between Linux and Windows, why exactly’ll people want to switch to Linux? Linux should aim to be different!

LINUS: (to self) Wankers.

posted by bi at March 27, 2005 09:41 AM #

Sycophancy is capitalist?

posted by Robert Brook at March 31, 2005 09:25 AM #

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